


Michael Has A Problem

by Anonymous



Series: The Aro Saga [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aro Jake, Aromantic Character, Hurt No Comfort, I don’t even ship this i just need characters to project on, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, self-harm mention, there’s not enough pain in the pins and patches tag and it’s time I fix that, this fic actually made me think about aro Jake and I gotta say it’s grown on me, vent fic, yeah werent expecting that huh bitches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 05:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13804002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: What do you do when you're pining and you already know you'll be denied because the object of your affections doesn't do love?





	Michael Has A Problem

It was a few months after The Play, and Michael had a problem.

A tall, muscular, good-looking, very cool and very, very aro problem.

Jake had come out about a week after the Squipcident had gone down, explaining that he’d never really felt different about dating people, and that it was actually really awkward. Apparently, Christine had introduced him to the idea while they had been dating, and he’d thought about it before landing on it as something he identified with. Everyone was supportive- although Chloe and Jeremy had needed a quick vocab lesson- and now it was common knowledge throughout the school.

Jake Dillinger was aromantic. Which meant he wasn’t interested in dating.

Which would be fine, if not for one thing.

Jake was _hot_.

Jake was hot, and Michael was weak, weak, weak.

It all started during a lunch period, where Jake and Rich had been joking around about how desirable Jake was.

“Yeah, man!” he’d said, “My goal is to get like, super flirty with anyone, and then I’ll just laugh in their face because they can’t have me!”

“Totally, yeah,” Rich had replied. “All, like, ‘pff, you can’t touch this man!’” And then, for some damned reason, Jake had turned and poked Michael, diverting his attention from the marble racing video he’d been watching.

“Sup, babe?” Jake had said, turning up the sex in his voice to an 11 from the constant 3 it was at and seeming to emanate sparkles. Michael‘s response was extremely dignified: choking on his slushie and turning a very impressive shade of red.

Jake had laughed, and turned to Rich, and they’d both laughed, and Michael, once it had been explained to him, laughed too.

And began to engage in his favorite pastime outside of video games and murdering supercomputer overlords: repressing his feelings.

He refused to acknowledge how he felt when he saw Jake taking his shirt off for gym. Complimenting him on his hair? Totally a normal bro thing to do. Missing him when he had to go do other things during lunch? He missed everyone when they didn’t show up to lunch. He definitely didn’t miss Jake Dillinger a lot more, no way.

It all fell apart one night, in the group chat. Jake had been making some stupid comment on how he’d had to struggle with being half-blind (he wore contacts?? Who knew) his whole life. Michael barely managed to type out a ‘same’ before he had to call for help.

To SMOLdering_bi: save my gay ass pls

From SMOLdering_bi: no

To SMOLdering_bi: bihh you don’t even know what from

From SMOLdering_bi: whats wrong man

Michael took a deep breath and held it before typing his next message.

To SMOLdering_bi: im having vv gay feelings for Jake and im struGgling

Well, it was out there now. Nothing he could do. No backsies. No denying it.

Maybe he could delete the message before Rich texted ba- oh god Rich already texted back.

From SMOLdering_bi: lol same

To SMOLdering_bi: Rich this is s e r i o u s

To SMOLdering_bi: ive been feeling things for him and he’s aro and i need to st o p

From SMOLdering_bi: dude me for y e a r s

Wait. What?

To SMOLdering_bi: wait, what seriously

From SMOLdering_bi: why did YOU think my squip repressed my bi

From SMOLdering_bi: i had already been doing it

To SMOLdering_bi: oh god how do i survive

From SMOLdering_bi: you don’t lol

From SMOLdering_bi: idk repress your feelings

From SMOLdering_bi: just try to be better at it than me lol

Right. Because Rich had been doing this for years, so he should be able to, too.

Rich had been holding back his feelings for years, and here Michael was, trying to get sympathy and advice from him, when all he’d really done was make Rich think about something he didn’t want to think about and oh god he’s a terrible selfish friend.

Michael doesn’t respond to Rich’s message. Jake says something in the groupchat. Rich types something back, sarcastic and casual. Michael can’t do that, he won’t be able to keep his stupid emotions out of anything he types now that he’s acknowledged them like an idiot.

He’s silent for a while, feeling the grief roll over him. No one notices that he doesn’t reply to anything in the chat. Why would they? It’s not like anyone cares. Why would they care about some selfish bastard who can’t keep it in his pants long enough to reply to one of his friends? He can’t believe he asked Rich for help when Rich has been doing this for years, it’s not like he deserves to have a crush on Jake anyway, Jake doesn’t need him for anything. Rich and Jake would be great together, except it won’t happen, cause Jake is aro, the bastard, but that’s rude and arophobic and Michael can’t just wish for someone’s sexuality to change because of his own emotions towards that person, and yeah it’s not like Jake is ace, but that sure won’t be happening either, cause Jake still has girls throwing themselves at him, and he probably has Rich too, or would if he asked, and he’s not gonna ask Michael, who he’s barely known for a few months and who no one wants or cares about anyway.

Michael can feel his breaths speeding up, the lightheadedness spreading, the tears starting to form in his eyes, and he lets the panic attack engulf him because no one’s around to care. Yeah, his parents are upstairs, but they’re talking business. Jeremy is busy, on a date with Christine, so he’s out of the picture, and he’s already taken so much out of Rich, and normally he’d look to Jake for help, but he can’t, not when Jake and his stupid need for validation and love from him is _literally exactly what he’s stressing about._ He lets his breaths speed to an unhealthy rate and lets the tears fall from his eyes and gives in to the voices in his head.

_Freak._

_Loser_.

 _Unwanted_.

_No one loves you._

_No one would notice if you just died._

_Needy._

_Failure_.

 _Selfish_.

 _Worthless_.

_Can’t even talk to his friends without crying, what a piece of garbage._

_He wants, oh he wants but he doesn’t_ deserve _anything._

_You’re a burden._

_You don’t even know what you’re doing with your life._

_You’ll never amount to anything._

_You’re just a waste of space._

_Do you think anyone would notice if you killed yourself?_

_You and Jake are gonna hang out tomorrow, you selfish freak, stealing him away from someone who deserves to have him, even if they can’t._

_Think he’d notice if you showed up with bleeding arms?_

_If you said it was a cat, would he know you don’t even have one?_

_You could love literally anyone else and you choose to love the one person who won’t love you back, what kind of idiot are you?_

_Don’t blame this on him, you can only blame yourself._

_It’s your fault for loving him._

_It’s your fault for everything._

_It’s._

_All._

_Your._

_Fault._

The weight on his chest and the pain in his heart is so bad that Michael can’t bring himself to lift his head from where it’s fallen, to look at his phone, to see what’s happening.

He cries himself to sleep that night after snapping one of his rubber bands against his arms until it breaks.


End file.
